Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Mom said you looked used
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize