three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize