i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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