Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize