Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
