who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
