its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
