twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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