no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
