just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
