I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
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