$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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