Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
