are you still at the devil's house?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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