he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
