your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
