so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
