Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
