id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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