We're facebook friends in real life
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
