think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
