Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
