Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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