i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize