i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
