Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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