My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
