Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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