Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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