If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
