i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
