it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
