K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Small penises have feelings too.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
