And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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