I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
