I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
