i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I understand Curling. That high.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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