hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Randomize
