so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
