so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
