She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
