so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
