Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
