Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
