first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
