is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
