in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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