Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude i'm inner monologue high
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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