So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
