Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
