question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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