watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
