Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
