be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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