he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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