im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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