I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
