idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
