Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
