Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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