so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
