Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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