Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
