If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
