she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
