I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize