Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
