Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
well you can't waste a boner
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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