We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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