I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
