I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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