I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize