He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
