fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
